Ireland agrees time-limited UK Brexit backstop of 800 years

Compromise will keep the UK in customs union until 2818

The Irish government have defused the Brexit row with the UK over whether a ‘backstop’ deal to avoid a hard border in Ireland can be time-limited, by agreeing that Britain’s commitment should last for 800 years.

Theresa May had been under pressure from hard Brexiteers such as David ‘SAS’ Davis and Boris Johnson to set an end date for a backstop deal which keeps Britain in the EU’s single market and customs union until magic borders are invented.

But the Prime Minister announced today that she had reached agreement with the Irish government that the UK could set a date for ending its backstop commitments:

“At the Taoiseach’s own suggestion, for which I am very grateful, the UK will set an end date of just 800 years from now for our backstop commitments. This means that a fully sovereign UK will be negotiating its own independent trade deals by 2818.”

David Davis, who was rumoured to be on the brink of resigning over the issue, has had the gist of it explained to him, and winked in agreement, his staff confirmed.