Ireland sorry for 800 years of inconveniencing England

Watching the Famine must have really put you off your tea, says Varadkar

The Irish government and people have acknowledged the unreasonable inconvenience they have caused the UK down the centuries.

On Sunday Jacob Rees-Mogg and ITV’s Robert Peston pointed out very reasonably that the Irish had been “undermining British governments for 100 years”.  The people of Ireland have tearfully admitted that it’s actually much worse than that: we’ve been disturbing the self-satisfied calm of British politicians since 1169.

Speaking outside Government Buildings, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar apologised formally “for putting the UK’s leaders off their dinner for the last 800 years. Extremely rude of us, I’m afraid.”

It must have been particularly irritating during the Famine, the Taoiseach said, listening to the endless whining, and putting you off your well-earned tea.

Varadkar has asked Mr Rees-Mogg what Ireland could do to ensure the North Somerset MP can sleep easily at night with his teddy.