Trump to secede from US

Confederate States of Trump to legalise polygamy, daughter love, monkey knife-fights

A furious Donald Trump has announced via Twitter that “enough is enough.  To defend Trump Rights, I’m quitting the liberal conspiracy called the United States of America.”

The President has been under increasing pressure following a series of judicial investigations into Russian influence over the election, paying off porn stars, and stuff you don’t even want to know about.

Trump will become the first sitting President to secede from the Union. But he is confident of success:

“We have big plans for the Confederate States of Trump. Really big plans.”  the President tweeted. “Polygamy – why the hell not? There are only going to beautiful women – I’m talking tens here – in the good ol’ CS of Trump. Monkey knife fights. A shining tower on a hill”

“We’re not ruling out a monarchy. That will be for the Founding Father – myself – and my lovely daughter Ivanka to decide.”