Fish to get British passports

Technology will definitely work, say Gove, Johnson

Fish in UK waters will be issued with their own British passports after Brexit, the government confirmed today.

In a statement from DEFRA, the Department which manages agriculture and fisheries, happy-go-lucky Brexiteer Michael Gove said that British fish will be able to collect their new proudly blue passports “just as soon as the technology is ready.”

Gove has dismissed concerns from people who know about the sea that it may be impractical to ensure that fish in British waters carry a passport at all times:

“the new British Fish passports will, of course, be waterproof, and small enough to slide neatly into their scaly pockets.”


“Every time our own British fish cross the new Undersea Border, our sub marine Home Office colleagues, at a little desk on the ocean floor, will stamp their new passports, so no sneaky European trawlers can snaffle them” added Boris Johnson, who has been thinking hard about this.