MPs pressure May to end free movement for football

“Croquet clubs compete at the highest level without immigration, why not Association Football?” demands Rees-Mogg

Furious MPs were tonight demanding that Theresa May end free movement for footballers as soon as Britain leaves the EU.

“We simply cannot accept being subject to the hated EU’s uncontrolled immigration on the football field of all places” said a cross-party coalition of Brexit-supporting MPs. “We invented the game.”

Newly-elected Brexit Empress Jacob Rees-Mogg confirmed that his followers would hold the Prime Minister to account. “English croquet clubs such as Old Wulfrunians and Major Totsy’s Disreputables play at the very highest level in the European Occasional Afternoon Gentleman’s Invitation Cup without needing to submit to the free movement diktats from Brussels. I fail to see why Association Football should be any different.”

“Remoaners fail to recognise that immigration is driving down the wages of the ordinary English Premier League Association Footballer. EU red tape has banned traditional English ‘soccer’ pastimes such as kicking goalkeepers over the line with the ball and portly midfield maestros.”

 

No Free Movement here. In fact, what are you doing on my extensive land?