Lottery-chosen serfs should carry Queen aloft to promote British trade, say Tories, DUP

Queen would accept a flying elephant at a pinch

Tory and DUP MPs have called for serfs to be chosen by lottery from among Britain’s ‘loyal, Brexit-loving population’ to carry the Queen around the world on a new golden throne to somehow promote British trade.

“It’s obvious”, said 19th century throwback Sir Peter Dolt MP: “foreigners outside our own Empire cannot help but be impressed when Her Majesty arrives in their slums carried by traditional English serfs in their smocks and tricorn hats. Then they will gladly sell their spices and silks in exchange for beads. That is how trade works, you see.”

DUP MP Ivor Calvin added: “like he said, but more offensive. We could sell Catholics for salt, or ivory.”