EU will resume unicorn hunting in New Year

Brexiteers protest against “cruel” destruction of cherished fantasy beliefs

The EU is set to resume its hunting of unicorns in the New Year, despite protests by English country dwellers who fondly believe in the power of the fantasy creatures to make Brexit OK.

Unicorn hunting was tactfully suspended by the EU during the recent outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease among UK Ministers, but now EU leaders have concluded that a wholesale cull of the illusory beasts will actually benefit the English countryside.

Bemused European Commission rationalists explained slowly that: “magical beliefs will in fact destroy English countryside livelihoods”. “Their death will be quick and painless using the latest technology of facts.”

But Brexiteers were quick to condemn the lifting of the ban.  Jacob Rees-Mogg, whose usual carriage is pulled by four white horses with painted ice cream cones tied round their heads said:

“Ever since the referendum, beautiful, quintessentially English illusions have galloped across our green and helpfully bewildered land. Why should Brussels bureaucrats be allowed to destroy the movie I’ve constructed in my head? It’s got the Black Beauty soundtrack for goodness sake.”

 

“I’ll give you ten minutes head start –

then I release the hounds” says Barnier