‘Driving home for Christmas’ is actually about a predator’s seasonal visit to a care home

“I can’t wait to see those faces” takes on new meaning for shocked fans of adorable Christmas whimsy

Eternally festively seat-belted Chris Rea has revealed that his much loved seasonal classic ‘Driving home for Christmas’ is in fact a dark exploration of a paedophile’s jaunty seasonal visit to a children’s care home.

The ailing rock star made the shocking confession just as Michael Bublé launched his annual collection of oleaginously-voiced Christmas classics, with Driving home for Christmas his hoped-for number one cover.

“It’s important that you all know the truth”, said Rea. “I never get the critical acclaim for my chilling juxtaposition of whimsical Christmas foot-tapping singalong and the darkest reaches of human desire.”

“Not so sure now, are you, Bublé?”