Spiders to move web production to EU after Brexit 

Home Office rules on visas for flies makes UK web-weaving ‘unsustainable’, says arachnids

Arachnid representatives from across Britain today announced that they would have no choice but to begin moving high skilled web weaving jobs to the EU Single Market as hard Brexit looms.

Spider leaders said that new Home Office restrictions on the entry of flies into the UK compounded the problem and would, in any case, ‘be much too complicated for flies to read’.

British spiders have played little part in the Brexit debate so far, preferring to lie quietly in wait for the predominantly Leave-voting insect population to fly confidently into their gossamer webs.

“But the Brexit honeymoon is officially over”, said an unnervingly fast moving spokes-spider.  “The government has failed to give any usable guarantees of our access to plump continental flies post-Brexit. Costs will rise, and we have no choice but to implement our contingency plans.”

Spiders have also expressed disappointment that Theresa May has so far refused offers to come into their parlour to discuss the issues in slow, lingering detail.