Davis begins direct talks with Fairy Folk on Irish border solution

UK’s Brexit chief to bypass ‘visible’ Irish government

Sources close to David Davis have confirmed that the frustrated Brexit Secretary is negotiating directly with the King of the Fairies over proposals to “police a non-existent Border, invisibly” after the UK leaves the EU

“Davis feels that the UK is the only one even trying to make invisibility work”, said highly-placed sources in the UK’s Brexit Department, “so he has no option but to discuss his Border non-ideas directly with the King of Fairies.”

David Davis, in disguise, at a secret

summit with the new King of the Border

According to a leaked memo from his Department, Davis warned his senior staff that: “the purely visible Irish government has shown no imagination on our ideas.” Unfazed, the famously confident Brexit Secretary said that: “Ireland’s traditional, invisible authorities – the leprecauns, banshees and principally of course the fairies” are perfectly placed to police a frictionless Border.

Davis is understood to have told his staff that, at a secret midnight summit at the crossroads, he has already agreed “pretty much all the details” with the King of the Fairies. Davis will tell the Parliamentary Brexit Scrutiny Committee this week that the UK will be ready to sign a Fairy Treaty “on day one” after Brexit.